Look for the Signs
Last night I had a dream that I called my Mom. I remember hearing her voice and thinking "it's her voice". She was so happy and light. She called me by my nickname "Dana D".
It started off as a dream where the phone was ringing and the answering machine turned on (yes my Mom still has an answering machine- lol) and I remember hearing her voice and feeling excited. My Mom was calling!
I can't remember too much of our conversation.
I hear her laugh and tone and then she said one thing that I managed to scribble down:
"I won't be there to tell you what to do. You will just have to learn to follow the signs".
I shared my dream with Kate. "That sounds like Mom"...
We smile a knowing, watery-eyed smile-
Mom called. I needed her voice.
It's the hardest loss. One that is taking all of my energy to understand.
I go to therapy.
I teach yoga.
I make art and dinner.
I have dates with my husband and adventures with Kate.
I sit in silence and in noise.
I sleep. Sometimes I don't.
I keep moving.
And that's enough.
I was listening to the Dax Shepard podcast the other day and he was talking about his own sobriety and experience with AA. He shared that in AA it's ok to tell your story but don't tell someone else what they should do.
It has to be my journey. Kate has her own journey. Rob shares his.
I will look for the signs and continue to follow the voice. Thank you for teaching me to listen. To trust. To keep moving ...
I love you. I love you.
We've got this...
Love and peace-